He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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