his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
