What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
