Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
