i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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