He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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