my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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