i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
