I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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