I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
