Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
