She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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