What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
