Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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