a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
