DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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