I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
