my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
