I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
