We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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