i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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