sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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