wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
