remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i think i just lost a toe
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
