When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
