Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
