I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
