You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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