she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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