I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
