I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
