My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
