im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
