Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Michael Bay diarrhea
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
