So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
