One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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