There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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