one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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