i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
