He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
