I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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