so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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