Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
