I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
