What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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