I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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