maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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