I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
