I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
