I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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